Dear Wyvern920 readers,

Are you as sick as I am of this bullshit college lifestyle? Do you suffer from irrational yearnings for the future? I saw Terminator 2 once, but who knows what the future will be like? Well, let's talk about it because I think this is a subject worth investigating. Or perhaps I'm just being sarcastic! Dialectics is one of my interests on facebook, after all.

More likely, you have no idea what I'm talking about. That's OK; neither do I. I do want to talk about the future, though: specifically, the coming winter break. It's hard for me to imagine this break as a reality, since I have to write a 30-page paper about French Marxism or something before it happens. Still, it's creeping up, and I want to hang out with you!

Have you ever heard of the Wu-Tang Clan? You can hear one of their recent bangers here. They are playing at the Roseland on New Year's Eve. It costs too much money but we should go anyway. If you don't want to you're a homo. But there are also other things to do--bars to go to, burritos to eat, Blazers to see lose. The world is literally our oyster!

I apologize if posting not universally topical material offends anyone.

Sincerely Yours,

Savage

Hello readers! It's me, Savage, and have I got news for you!

As most of you are probably aware, United States Attorney General Alberto R. Gonzales recently announced his resignation from the post, effective September 17th. Now, the political significance of this announcement, in both the domestic and international arenas, is surely a subject worthy of much discussion. That, however, is not what I'd like to focus on. We here at Wyvern920.com like to approach stories from unique angles. For instance, are you aware that Alberto Gonzales is a Mexican?

It's true! He's so Mexican, in fact, that he has one of those little steering wheels on his car--in case he ever has to drive handcuffed! He could never host a barbecue, because the beans would fall through the grill! Why, he's so Mexican that he eats tamales on Christmas day--just to have something to unwrap! He's so Mexican that his idea of a fortune cookie is a taco shell with food stamps in it. Speaking of fortune cookies, if he married a Chinese woman their offspring would be a car thief who couldn't drive! In closing, Alberto Gonzales is so Mexican that when, in a criminally underreported incident, he shot his wife, he told the police officer who asked him why he did it: "Tequila!"

There you have it. And to any Mexicans reading this: let me assure you that this site's proprietor made me post it.

So long!