Come Wednesday, most good family men such as myself ask ourselves how we might get through our tough weeks in such a merciless and cut-throat world. I know there are two things that keep me going: family and faith. This week I am blessed by my Portland-area extended family members in continuing my faith in a swift and righteous system of justice. What do I speak of exactly? Driver to face punishment for kicking kissing girls off bus. Yes, I included a picture. Yes, the picture makes it 100 times better (dibs on the left). I hope this event sets a strong precedent for young girls making out on TriMet busses. My usual bus rides are ridden with homeless and crazies; variety is always welcome. Have a great evening, folks, God bless justice.

Another Tuesday upon us, which means there are a myriad of new albums coming out today. As a public service I thought I would wet your beak as to what is being offered on bittorrent at your local music store.

Perhaps the most noteworthy album is from Paul McCartney, who is a favorite of Savage and Paul. "Memory Almost Full" is also an anagram for 'my soulmate LLM' (obviously standing for Linda Louise McCartney). It's a bit of a backhanded insult to Heather Mills. Let's hope she takes it in stride.

Glam metal band Poison is releasing "Poison'd", which is a collection of covers recorded between the height of their popularity in the 80s and now. I am looking forward to hearing the covers of "I Never Cry", originally performed by Alice Cooper, and "I Need To Know", originally performed by Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers. Things that I could probably live without include a cover of "Sexy Back" by Justin Timberlake. Yeah, what can you do?

Progressive metal rockers Dream Theater are releasing "Systematic Chaos", which promises to be 78 minutes worth of guitar wankery at its finest. Expect lots of 10-minute songs that feature many solos and technical mastery that almost no one cares about except me.

If you are a fan of obvious and blatant rip-offs of past musical acts, then do I have news for you! Marilyn Manson is releasing apparently a much anticipated album "Eat Me, Drink Me" today. The only reason why I mention this is because Beck seems to be a fan of his for some reason, and Beck seems like an upstanding young man. Also because Marilyn Manson is dating 19-year-old Evan Rachel Wood, which the more I think about it, the more it makes me feel icky.

Even though it was released a couple weeks ago, I hear nothing but good things about The Ozzy Osbourne album "Black Rain". Dan seems to enjoy it, and since he has nothing but free time, he can really think about these things. It's also the first album recorded by Ozzy in which he was sober… supposedly. I suspect that even if Ozzy didn't drink anything while recording it, there is enough residual alcohol in his liver to keep him drunk for the next ten years.

Anyway, my work is done here. Now go forth and be consumer whores like your corporate overloads demand.

I know I will have to break precedent in reporting this next story, but I believe that it has to be done. In what is perhaps the best news to happen all week, Lindsay Lohan has been arrested for suspicion of DUI. Also: officers believe they found cocaine in her automobile. Apparently a "usable amount" was tentatively identified. She was sent to the hospital with minor injuries after her Mercedes-Benz convertible struck a curb. The condition of the convertible is unknown at this time.

This story makes me so very happy. It's like Christmas in May. Schadenfreude is really the best form of happiness that can be attained. With her career on the rocks, Lindsay is really blowing her chances of a successful career. There is one upside to this story though; back in the old days when I wanted coke and whores, I use to have to make two stops – one for the coke, and one for the whores. Now with yeyo lilo out there cruising the Sunset Strip, I can satisfy these two vices in a simple stop. God bless you Lindsay, God bless us all.

Are we working now? I sure as hell hope so. I think I've found the problem as to why this site was crashing. I would just like to say thanks to Andy and Jacob. Thanks for having such a foolproof guestbook signing page on your MKandARulezz website that didn't at all allow spammers to upload redirecting code to it, and allowing access to my apache email server. I would also like to thank you for not having this lack of protection in your code shut down my mail server for two weeks. Thanks so much for that. In any event, I think everything is back up and running, including email. So send those penis enlargement ads my way, won't you please?

A Colorado man, from the great city of Grand Junction along I-70, has been arrested after he posted sexually explicit pictures and movies of himself to a girl he believed was 12-years-old. The man apparently worked under the professional clown name of 'Giggles,' which was also one of the names of a mascot that I created for an earlier version of this site.

So even though that all predator clowns fall under the big shadow of Pogo the Clown, there is still something deeply troubling about any clown willing to show his balloon animal on the film. You'd have to look deep inside yourself when applying that white makeup. I'm just sayin'.

By now you have heard that Paris Hilton is heading to prison for 45 days. This is quite possibly the best news ever. Here is a story about what she is in store for in the big house for you reading pleasure. Apparently if she "acts all high-class and uppity," then she will be "done." It makes me tingly all over just thinking about it. You can tell she is soft too; she'll never make it. Each day she'll have the delight of eating hard-boiled eggs, cold cereal, and small cartons of milk along with baloney, bread, mustard, and watered down juice. It's almost too good to be true. It's like The Simple Life meets Oz.

According to Kathy Hilton, the mother of the jailbird-to-be, said that this is a waste of taxpayers' money. I don't know about you, but I would much rather have a drug dealer roaming the streets than Paris Hilton. Hell, I would rather have a murderer set free to make room for her. Even better yet, they could share a cell. A Paris Hilton/Charles Manson cell would be a match made in heaven.

Last week, thousands of people supporting fair treatment of King Burrito marched through city streets to raise awareness of the issue.  March organizers said they were trying to combat negative publicity stemming from the recent Health Department reports questioning the cleanliness of the wildly popular North Portland restaurant.  Protesters have called these charges 'irresponsible' and 'racially biased,' bringing into question the motives of news station KPTV, a local Fox News outlet.  State and Federal Police responded in full force, deploying riot police to the otherwise peaceful demonstration.  Tear gas, rubber bullets and clubs were used in a manner that city leaders later called 'horrifying' and 'unnecessary.'  Demonstrators vowed to continue their actions until a full apology is made by KPTV and the Oregon Health Department.

So I have been racking my brain trying to think of what I want my first real blog post to be about. Every webmaster wants the first time to be special, and I am no exception. So I thought I would take it slow, and start with something that is very easy to talk about, and that is burritos. KPTV in Portland is known primarily for scaring you half to death before bed at 10pm, and their dirty dining segment is no different. In an undated report they decided to attack King Burrito, quite possible the best place on earth. Go ahead and take a look at it yourself. What a bunch of crap, right? Shouldn't we let the invisible hand of the market dictate what is safe to eat and what is not? In any event, King Burrito better not close under any circumstances. Anyhoo, the main purpose of this post was to see if my html editor was working – hopefully it is.

So you might have noticed that the site has been down for the last few days. Don't worry though; I haven't gone anywhere. Just having some technical difficulties with various elements of the site, mostly dealing with email. Speaking of email, I can't receive any. I hope to have this fixed shortly. I'll expand on this problem at a later date. Anyway, I'll be making tasteless unfunny jokes before you know it.

In a series of exploratory pieces, I would like to present 'Savage Love, the Lost Letters.'  As many of you know and may even have experienced, Savage is a man of many talents.  The trail of broken hearts he leaves everywhere he travels touches us all.  I hope you enjoy these stories of love and lust as much as I do.  Without further introduction, I give you Savage Love, the Lost Letters, volume one.

Dear Wyvern920,